New Year's Wrestlefest: Match 1

Well folks, this one's been long overdue, that's for sure. I planned on having this up days ago, but my computer decided die out on me a few times in the past week, which threw a wrench into the plans. But luckily for you, two hours of Jack Bauer kicking ass in the 24 season premier put me in a good enough mood to put this together for you.

But first, an explanation is in order.

This is one of those things where you have a non-sober conversation with your friends where you decide that something would be a really cool idea. Then you wake up the next day and say "Eh, we'll never do that."

In fact, we never thought we'd have done this until we actually started to build it. To say that this wrestling ring came together in the 11th hour would be a great understatement.

Some searching on the Internet months ago, when the planning was in its infancy, found the cheapest route possible to creating a ring: tires with plywood on top of them.

A stop at the local Tire Kingdom found that they were more than happy to get rid of old, bald tires. It turns out those joints have to pay money to dispose of the damn things. So nine tires piled in the back of my truck for a trip up to Gainesville. Stuck in traffic for a few hours on I-75, more than a few onlookers were baffled by our cargo as we crept along the interstate. Fortunately, there's enough rednecks that travel the roads that we weren't too out of place.

With the transporting of the tires out of the way, it was time for a quick stop to the local Home Depot to get parts. Totaling in at around $85, the whole expense wasn't too bad when you divide it up amongst 15 or so people. That's right, for a low cost, you too can have your own 8ft by 8ft ring. There's not much room to work with, but that's where the beer comes in.

So anyhow, the supplies were in, and it was time to get to work.



Well, time for John to get to work, at least. I was the brains behind the operation, with most of the planning and such, and John, who has a knack for all things pertaining to, oh, I dunno, manual labor was the "muscle" of the team (I'll use that term lightly). Manual labor and I do not get along. But I did my part to help out.



Much to the surprise of everyone (myself included), things were coming together quite nicely. In our tiny ass backyard, we actually had something together that didn't fall apart when you touched it. Not yet, at least.



Will, an ex-Home Depot employee (among other things), supervised the operation by assembling his wrestling helmet and smoking multiple packs of cigarettes. Thanks, Will.



And we had ourselves a ring. Now to test out the weight limits...



With plenty of people and booze. You can't expect anyone to participate in horrible wrestling without being under the influence of something. That's how the Sandman made his career, ya know. Think of it as a homage to how the idea spawned in the first place. An idea that should have never been followed through with.

We had about 20 people standing on the ring along with the keg with no problems, but Brian attempted to take a picture of it from upstairs in his room and was too drunk to operate a camera or walk properly. The result was a bunch of pictures of Brian's face instead of the ring. How? I don't know. So, you'll have to take my word for it.

But hey, it's New Year's, and we built a damn wrestling ring, so let's 'rassle!



Our first match started out as a simple family tag-team matchup. John and his brother Fraser taking on Brian and his brother Greg. As planning for the event furthered, gimmicks were created, so the simple brotherly tag team was not enough. The result, as you see, is an interesting one. We have John and Fray as Ben and Dover, the homoerotic "Team Bendover." And their opponents, Greg and Brian, as the emo-loving tag team of Angst and Anguish, creating "Broken Heart of Tears and Darkness."

I'd give you photos to describe the match, but unfortunately the only one that was taken was of "Dover," who's bio reads that he is the "official nut wrencher of Bruce’'s Auto Body Repair Shop in Sandwich, England, where he oils axles and lubricates grease pockets." Yeah. So, here he is:



But hey, who the hell wants to read what I have to say? I'm such a nice guy that I ripped and encoded the video just for you to watch and enjoy. So enjoy it, already!

Down, sorry. Email me if you want the DVD

The video is in WMV format and weighs in at about 12 megs. I won't be able to host it forever, as I am maxing out my UF webspace limits at the moment, so make sure to save it to your computer.

Match 2, Rudy Goldfarb vs. Dr. Qube, will be up in a few days, along with photos to accompany it.