New Year's Wrestlefest: Match 3 

And I know you've all been clamoring for the next matchup, especially you random Ebay visitors making your trek over here thanks to Brandon and Will's "tattoo your company logo on my forehead" auction. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just head over here and it will all make sense. Please note that I am not the seller in that Ebay auction.

match 3

Next up, we have an epic battle between Bobby Teenager, a devout fan of the band Saliva, and my alter-ego, Beerboxhead. Since I have no wrestling skills and wasn't going to make any attempt to try to fool anyone into thinking I did, we went the hardcore route with this matchup. Things, as you will see, get very messy.


It's really hard to move around very well with beer boxes all over you. It's even harder to keep your ass crack in your pants when you're too fat to fit into them. But that's what the dreaded deadly bubble wrap is for.


Metal cookie tins also seem to work surprisingly well, especially when filled with cookies to provide weight for the impact.


Staples to the skull, however, will not result in a pleasurable experience. Kids, don't try this at home.


T.Coop celebrates after leaving me a bloody mess. He wrestled for four years in high school, and was the captain of the wrestling team. Luckily I'm fat, so at least he couldn't pick me up and throw me around, especially when I have 40 pounds on him.


What happens when you have ketchup and shaving cream all over you? Ya gotta clean that shit up. Naturally, I poured some soap into T.Coop's wounds and down his throat while he was down. Seeing my opportunity, I grabbed a hold of the giant cardboard tube and sought to take out my arch nemesis Bobby Teenager once and for all.


But taken from my very own briefcase was a bottle of Windex, which Bobby kindly sprayed me in the face with. That shit ain't fun in your eyes.

So how does it end?


Well, you'll have to download the match to get the whole story for yourself. And luckily for you, I've been nice enough to put up match 3 for all you miserable souls to watch. Check it out, suckas!


Again, I'll leave it up for a few days, but will have to take it down due to UF space and bandwidth restrictions. In a few days, it's match 4 - Hiroshima-Nagasaki vs. The Great Bukkake. Stay tuned!
Creative Commons License


2003 - 2005
Reverend Neil Hughes