Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Brian's Internet Photo Album, Part I

After many years of trolling the murky depths of the internet, I have accumulated quite a bit of garbage - in fact - my hard drives are literally overflowing with the very detritus of the web. I would be willing to bet that a large majority of people with a computer have a digital "junk drawer" of sorts containing random files that they have slowly collected over the years. In order to put some of these files to good use, I have selected a few choice morsels for your viewing pleasure:

First of all, I have no idea how this wonderful picture of O.J. enjoying a delicious holiday ham made its way on my computer, but I sure am glad that it did!

I chose this next photo in honor of the recently deceased Law and Order star Jerry Orbach, not only could he act, but apparently he was quite skilled at landscaping.

Google Image Search is one of the most invaluable tools on the internet. You never know what will show up in the results - its like Christmas every day! Imagine my delight after searching for Sacman (check out my friend Neil's blog if you don't know of the legend of Sacman) when I found this wonderful picture. Click on it for a larger version.

This photo leaves me baffled. Yes you are seeing correctly - it is indeed a drawing of the Millennium Falcon fighting Gandalf. According to Ain't it Cool News it's a production still from the new crossover movie in the works. Apparently George Lucas feels that he hasn't damaged the Star Wars universe enough.

Just kidding... had you going there for a second, didn't I?

Monday, December 27, 2004

The Black Holes of Television - A Rare, but Powerful Phenomenon

Television, much like the Universe is mostly empty space. Despite having a nearly endless supply of channels, most stations spew forth an equally endless supply of pure garbage. With a record amount of reality shows slated for 2005 it looks as if this trend will continue to worsen.

How many cars must be pimped, wives swapped, houses redecorated, celebrities punked, choppers built, and ugly women...swan-ified, before the American public wakes up from its reality-induced stupor? The few shows worth watching are like bright points of light in the vast emptiness of the television sky.

Shows such as Lost, 24, Nip/Tuck, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage, and the West Wing are the only thing that keep television from being plunged into the darkness of mediocrity.

While these bright spots are what make it worth watching, there is a still more powerful force within the television universe - a force that few see coming and from which none can escape.

Certain movies contain that special something, a gravitational singularity which prohibits a previously reasonable person from changing the channel and draws one to it in such a way that escape is futile. I call these phenomena the black holes of television.

One could innocently sit down in front of the TV on a Saturday afternoon, intent on flipping channels for a couple of minutes - cruising around the blackness of the television universe in search of a star, with no idea of the invisible giant that awaits. Rarely does one seek out these black holes - most often they blindly stumble upon them and are unknowingly drawn into its time-wasting core. The only recourse is to wait it out and hope that there are few commercials.

How do I identify a black hole? What to look for:

Title: Any combination of the words "Back to the Future" or "Ghostbusters".
Cast: Any movie that Arnold is involved in any way, even as a cameo.

Yup, that’s it. Sometimes the most amazing things on earth are the most simple to define.

Of course these are just the universal black holes; each person has their own collection of movies or television shows that draw them.

In addition to the ones listed above, I am helpless to turn off the TV during:
  • West Wing marathons on Bravo
  • Married with Children marathons on FX
  • Anything with "Star Trek" in its title

What can't you escape from? If anyone has any black holes of their own leave them in the comments.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Party Personalities, Vol. II ... better late than never

Yes, after many moons I have finally decided to return to my blog. Over the summer I had big plans to start back up and even redesigned my website, moving from Blurty to Blogger as my blogging software of choice. Well as you can guess, I ran out of steam after making the move and never really got back into it. You can blame it on a deadly mix of apathy, school, and the holy trinity - Half-Life 2, Halo 2, and Doom 3.

I hope to update the blog at least 3 times a week, maybe more depending on what's going on.

And now for our main attraction, the second installment of Party Personalities - a collection of odd and humorous stories culled from weekend after weekend of partying in Gainesville:

Uberfashonable German Guys -These guys came to a party at Courtyards last semester. They were exchange students from Germany - and you could tell. There was just something about their clothes that made them stand out. It could have been their leather jackets or their oddly cut jeans, but it looked like they had just stepped out of a "hip" German discotheque. We ended up talking to them for a while. They said in Germany the public is as divided as we are about Bush and the war in Iraq, but the media over there tends to be more against the war than for it. They also knew about Turbonegro, apparently the band is huge in Europe, to the point of appearing in ads for jeans. It’s amazing how many obscure bands here in the states find greater success overseas.

Creepy Australian Guy- Keeping with my foreign theme, we met this guy at a party in Royal Village. We could tell from his accent that he was from Australia, so we immediately began to quiz him on all the dirty slang that he could think of. It was along the lines of "What do you call a boner, how about jizz, what about farting, etc. etc."” He was hitting on Michele, and she gave him her number. We left the party the same time as he did and we saw him saunter over to his ride, a HUGE LATE 80s MARK III CONVERSION VAN. Oh man. Apparently he called Michele non-stop for several weeks afterward. That’s what you get for giving your number to a CREEPY FOREIGN GUY WHO DRIVES AN OLD CONVERSION VAN.

WK Guys at Lambda Chi - Last year, we went to a couple of parties over at the Lambda Chi house since a couple of people on our floor had become brothers. They have these hall parties in which the main party is in the halls of their living quarters, and each room has a different theme/drink in it. One party we attended wasn't particularly special and we walked down towards the end of one of the halls to try to find something more interesting. Much to my amazement, I heard Andrew W.K. blaring from one of the rooms. We found a couple of guys in there chilling along with a random girl or two, and complimented them on their choice of music. We had a little sing-along and found out that they were going to the W.K. show in Orlando that was coming up pretty soon. Cut to a month later at the WK show, I had totally forgotten about these guys and they came up to me all excited - and I was happy to see fellow gator W.K. supporters. Andrew'’s music can bring together all kinds in the name of partying hard.

Pajama Party Girl - It was early in the night, and driving down the street we could see a pretty big party going on in one of the mini-backyards in the Courtyards. Neil walked in first, followed a little later by the rest of the crew, and I went in last. I looked around and everyone was in various states of undress and was booing us loudly. At first I was surprised, and then it hit me - A PAJAMA PARTY! Neil was already on his way out, and he looked pissed. "Let’s just leave." Outside he explained that he had made a b-line for the keg and already had a beer when he was confronted by the owner of the house and host of the party. She was already quite inebriated and also quite angry at us crashing the party. She slapped the beer out of his hand - spilling it everywhere and started yelling at him. When you receive a welcome like this I think it’s safe to say that its time to leave.

Neil Diamond Lambda Chi Guy - Sorry for another music-themed Lambda Chi entry, but this one is too great to leave out. The keg was in one of the rooms off of the main hallway, and it became the de facto hang out place for everyone. So we were hanging out there, going through the guy’s music selection on his computer, when for some reason the guy pushed us aside, intent on choosing the perfect song for the occasion. He double clicked and stood back with a grin on his face. I was expecting some tired and true club music, but what came out of the speakers was a surprise to us all. It was Neil Diamond! And almost magically - the majority of the room knew the words! We went through a round of "Cracklin’ Rosy" and "Forever in Blue Jeans" before the hoopla died down. Good times.