Friday, January 30, 2004


Yeah its the weekend and my tests and assignments are over (they all went better than expected - woot). I am ready to party hard. Andrew W.K. has to be the king of partying. Not only do his songs force a goofy grin onto your mug, they also seem to fill you with a burst of energy that can only be dissipated through dancing, singing, screaming, and general craziness.

Lets look at the titles of some of his songs:
- Its Time to Party
- Party Hard
- Party Till You Puke
- Long Live the Party
- Fun Night
- Tear it Up
- Free Jumps
- Totally Stupid
- Take if Off

Yeah I would have to say that he is all about the party. In fact, Andrew is running at a 17% party to non party ratio (and that's just by looking at the titles of his songs).

His songs always seem to have a crazy/party aspect carefully balanced with a positive message. Case in point (from "Long Live the Party")

(Party Part)

I want to have a party
I want to have a party
I want to have a party
I want to have a party
You cannot kill the party
You cannot kill the party
You cannot kill the party
Long Live The Party

(And now comes the inspiration)

The more that you can give it, then the more it will be
And if you do not have it, you can take it from me
All we ever wanted was a thing to believe,
And now that we have found it, we have all that we need.

I love it.

Party 'till you puke bitches!

The Girl Next Door

Wowwee Wow Wow

Ok if any of you watch 24 you know how hot Elisha Cuthbert (Kim Bauer) is. She kicks ass, escapes from mountain lions, and manages to look great all the while (not counting Season 3 ugly-bangs Kim). Some of you also might recognize her from her short part in Old School as the high school chick that does whats-his-name.

Lets get to the point. She is starring in "The Girl Next Door" which comes out March 12. This is great news, wonderful news! She plays a hot ex-porn star who moves into the house next to some douche in a boring town and shakes things up a little. The early reviews over at Aint it Cool News have been positive, but you can never trust Harry and the rest of his goons over there. There are, however, some very promising passages from these reviews though, and I'll let the words speak for themselves:

"I have to interject here to say that there's a scene at this point in the film set in a motel room where Cuthbert acts all sexed up and says things like "Do you want to fuck me?" and "How do you want it?" I sort of blacked out for a minute or two, contemplating these questions... "

And here is a scene from the movie:

Wet, yeah..

Yeah I dont need to say anything else.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

New Blink Video

I just streamed the new Blink 182 video for "I Miss You" and to tell you the truth I was pleasantly surprised. This is not the shit that was "Feeling This". First of all, this is a good song. I love the dueling vocals throughout the song. I especially like the performance shots, with the band in turn of the century, almost gothic looking garb (and Mark wielding the upright bass). This video looks like something that the Smashing Pumpkins would have done. For once the guys did something right. I am happy.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004


Neil (The Good Reverend) needs your help. He is staging a hypothetical low gravity fighting tournament between celebrities of all kinds. Its kinda like Celebrity Deathmatch, only it doesn't suck. You can read all about it on his site. Vote in the comments at the end of his post: Rev.log's SUPER FANTASTIC LOW-GRAVITY FIGHTING EXTRAVAGANZA!
This is a rare photo of the cowboy monkey in action, herding sheep like a champion. (His name is Whiplash btw)
YEE HAH!  The banana trophy is in my grasp!

He also has a website! Buy a T-shirt, hell buy two!

Monday, January 26, 2004

Ramble Ramble

So I found these cool internet radio streams the other day. At they have an immense collection of video and computer game soundtracks that they play 24 hours a day on their internet radio stations. There are actually four different stations: Vintage Consoles, Modern Consoles, PC, and All. Great stuff, I've been listening to the PC stream, and there are plenty of gems: Warcraft II, Command and Conquer, Civilization II, Doom, Diablo, Sim City, etc. Also I found a radio station that streams nothing but Mario and Mario-related songs. Click to Listen: All Mario, All the Time!.

I'm glad to see that Lord of the Rings: Return of the King cleaned up at the Golden Globes (4 awards!). Also, its nice to see that wonderful underdog 24 (Best Drama - TV) finally get the recognition it deserved.

And now, to end this post with a gem from the Penny-Arcade message boards (of which I am a professional lurker). This particular line of dialogue was in a thread devoted to great toys of the 80s:

Favlaud wrote: Remember Sock 'em Boppers? I gave my friend a black eye with those.
Ferreous wrote: Hmm....I walked in on my best friends brother masturbating into one of those.
Favlaud wrote: "More fun than a pillow fight! Blow 'em up, stick your wang inside. Get ready to have the time of your life!"

I love the internet.

He ropes and hog ties toddlers.

And now for a picture of a monkey dressed as a cowboy riding a dog.


Thank you, that is all.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Tuesday- Go to the Junction 18/Tokyo Rose/Much the Same/Neptune 66 show at Eddie C's. You won't be disappointed.

Friday, January 23, 2004

The Ladder Theory

I read this a long time ago but it was recently brought to my attention again. Called "The Ladder Theory" it is a "theory of adult male/female interaction." It was thought up by a group of guys at Bascially it says that guys have a sliding scale of women they would have sex with, and women have two separate scales for friends and potential lovers. Here it is: (taken from

Now for the core of the theory. Since everyone you meet has a rating, it is only natural to stack them up on a ladder. Let's look at the ladder of some example man.

So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to have sex with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:

1) The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top
2) Then come the people we like
3) Moving further down we pass the people who we would fuck if we were intoxicated and would admit to doing it later.
4) At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later.
5) Clinging to the bottom are the girls that are wolf ugly. These are women so ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away rather than fuck them. Usually fake teeth, or the loss of several hundred pounds can move a woman up from wolf ugly.

Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:

The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.


In my opinion, this is the most accurate theory of attraction/interaction between the sexes that I have ever seen. Yup, ladies - guys are pigs...more often than not if a guy is your friend he finds you attractive and would sleep with you if given the chance.

They go on to say (also from


Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1) The guy is gay
2) The guy does not find you attractive.
3)The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.

1) Comply
2) Remember this only works if you are honest with yourself. Number one is of course something that guys hear all the time. Intellectual Whores refers to it as the Kiss of Death. It is more likely that he will jump you eagerly.


Fun fun fun.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

School Time

My Schedule for this semester:

- Physical Geography
- Physical Geography Lab
- International Relations
- Principles of Sociology
- Age of Dinosaurs
- Intro To Journalism

Monday, January 05, 2004

Wal-Mart = Satan's Home on Earth (not a liberal rant)

This rant is not structured in any way, it is nearly a stream-of-consciousness essay

I can't stand Wal-Mart, in fact I hate it so much I'm not going to put the stupid dash in between the words anymore. Walmart, Walmart, Walmart. Although I, like all others, do frequent this "store" I do so with every intention to leave as soon as possible. There are so many things wrong with this franchise its almost unholy. First, the parking lot is larger than a football stadium's, and it is always totally full. The only open spots are literally on the highway so one is forced to tread through garbage, flocks of crows, and cart-jockeys for what seems like miles. As soon as you walk in the door you are faced by a greeter (and I use that term loosely) who is usually half-asleep or is so old that they can barely speak. They mumble something as you try to skirt by, on your way to the heart of the monster. Walmart is the dirtiest store I have ever been in: the floors are caked with some sort of black substance native only to Walmart's vast plains of linoleum. I believe it is the very manifestation of the store's dire nature into a solid substance which seems to evade cleaning of any type. Being open 24 hours a day, the shelves are constantly in a state of disarray, being picked through by shoppers like vultures at a decaying corpse. Although Walmart has everything under the sun, it never has what you need. Seeing its self as a bastion of "family-values" Walmart carries only edited CDs, censors the types of games it carries, and offers a limited selection of magazines ranging from Home Landscaping to Low Rider Monthly. The electronics section is a disaster area. The CDs are arranged as if they were randomly shuffled and dealt to the shelves by a card dealer. Walmart is the only store I know of that advertises on its HDTVs and other high-end items: "Cash Your Child-Credit Tax Refund Checks Here!" Don't bother asking an employee for help with anything, by listening to their futile attempts at sounding knowledgeable, they actually corrupt and displace some of your own knowledge. Only in Walmart can your cashier be a middle-aged man named Rusty sporting a pony-tail.

Only in Walmart, while in Rusty's line, can you hear this conversation between a very large woman and one of her children (true story):

-Child: "Mommy, what kind of shorts are these?"
-Mother: "These aren't shorts, these are new panties."

Walmart's clientele is equal parts nursing home, trailer park, NASCAR fan, Flea Market goer, and dazed middle-class family, all drawn like zombies to the "Everyday Low Price". Walmart is evil. Thank you, that is all.