Friday, January 23, 2004

The Ladder Theory

I read this a long time ago but it was recently brought to my attention again. Called "The Ladder Theory" it is a "theory of adult male/female interaction." It was thought up by a group of guys at www.intellectualwhores.com. Bascially it says that guys have a sliding scale of women they would have sex with, and women have two separate scales for friends and potential lovers. Here it is: (taken from www.intellectualwhores.com)

Now for the core of the theory. Since everyone you meet has a rating, it is only natural to stack them up on a ladder. Let's look at the ladder of some example man.



So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to have sex with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:

1) The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top
2) Then come the people we like
3) Moving further down we pass the people who we would fuck if we were intoxicated and would admit to doing it later.
4) At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later.
5) Clinging to the bottom are the girls that are wolf ugly. These are women so ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away rather than fuck them. Usually fake teeth, or the loss of several hundred pounds can move a woman up from wolf ugly.

Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:



The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual whores are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.

-END-

In my opinion, this is the most accurate theory of attraction/interaction between the sexes that I have ever seen. Yup, ladies - guys are pigs...more often than not if a guy is your friend he finds you attractive and would sleep with you if given the chance.

They go on to say (also from www.intellectualwhores.com):

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1) The guy is gay
2) The guy does not find you attractive.
3)The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.

1) Comply
2) Remember this only works if you are honest with yourself. Number one is of course something that guys hear all the time. Intellectual Whores refers to it as the Kiss of Death. It is more likely that he will jump you eagerly.

-END-

Fun fun fun.

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