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Classic UCF Jokes!
Send me your submissions!
How do you get a UCF graduate off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza!!!!
How do you express the location of buildings on the UCF campus?
In Radians!
Why do UCF grads hang their diplomas in the rear windows of their cars?
So they can park in "handicapped" spaces.
What are the toughest 6 years in a UCF Knight's life?
3rd grade.
What is one of the things UF has but UCF doesn't?
This:
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UCF Research Department's greatest inventions:
1. Solar powered flashlight
2. Water-proof towel
3. A book on "How-To-Read"
4. Inflatable dart board
How many UCF Knights does it take to tackle Ran Carthon?
I don't know, but it's more than eleven!
Top 10 Classes at The University of Central Florida:
1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC's: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines
There was a couple who were getting divorced, so the judge said to the child,
"Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?" "No," said
the child, "he beats me." "Do you want to live with your Mom?" "No, she beats me
too." "Well who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with a UCF football
player." Confused, the judge asked, "Why?" The child replied, "Because they
never beat anybody that's good!"
What do tornadoes and UCF grads have in common?
They both always end up in trailer parks!
What does an UF student and a UCF student have in common?
They were both accepted to UCF.
A FSU grad, a Miami grad, and a UCF grad are waiting to be executed by firing
squad. The FSU grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells,
"Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the FSU grad to
jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and as he is waiting to
be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so
the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The UCF grad is last. As he
is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the FSU and Miami grads had done,
so he yells, "Fire!"
What does the average UCF student get on their SAT's?
Drool
A student is in the morgue preparing to perform an autopsy. He rolls the body
over and prepares to start when he notices a cork stuffed into the cadaver's
anus. He removes the cork and is startled to hear the University of Central
Florida fight song. He puts the cork back, runs down the hall to his professor
and says, "You have to come see this! Quick!" to which the professor responds,
"This better be important. I'm very busy." The student leads him to the body and
takes out the cork. The professor says, "Big deal, I've heard thousands of
assholes sing that song!"
What do you call an UCF grad wearing a suit and tie?
The defendant! (remember those cell phones a while back?)
Good uses for a UCF diploma:
1. Toilet paper
2. Proof of need for handicapped parking sticker
3. Crying towel
4. Proof of need for welfare
How do you sell out a UCF home game?
Invite the Florida Gators!
Why couldn't UCF have a nativity scene this past Christmas?
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Why is UCF changing their mascot to the possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
What did the UCF graduate say to the UF graduate?
"You want fries with that?"
What's the difference between an UCF Knight and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
What do you get when you cross a UCF Knight with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football.
How many UCF Knights does it take to change a flat tire?
Just one...unless it's a blowout, then they all show up!
How do you keep a UCF Knight out of your front yard?
Put a goal post up!
How do you kill a UCF Knight when he's drinking water?
Slam the toilet bowl on his head.
If you have a car containing a UCF Knight wide receiver, a UCF Knight
linebacker, and a UCF Knight defensive back, who is driving the car?
The cop. (Remember that cell phone incident?)
What's the difference between a dead possum and a dead UCF Knight fan on the
side of the road?
Vultures will eat a dead possum.
How many UCF Knight football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The whole team, and they get a semester's credit for it.
What is the difference between UCF women and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out sometimes.
Why did UCF's coach demand that grass replace the Astroturf at the Citrus Bowl?
So the homecoming queen could graze.
What's the difference between a UCF cheerleader and a warthog?
Lipstick.
Did you notice the signs over the urinals in the UCF student section rest rooms?
They read, "Please don't eat the mint."
Did you hear about the UCF fan who tried to blow up the UF team bus?
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
Why do they throw out a sack of manure at UCF weddings?
To keep the flies off of the bride.
How many UCF Knights does it take to eat an armadillo?
Three --one to eat, while two watch for cars.
What do you call 144 UCF Knights?
Gross ignorance.
What do you call a UCF Knight with a complexion problem?
An oxymoron.
What's the difference between a UCF Knight and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, "I bet your from
the University of Central Florida." "Why yes I am" answered the other. "How
could you tell, was it my good looks, my debonair charm, my taste in clothing?"
"No," replied the first, "I saw your class ring as you were picking your nose."
What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a UCF Knight?
A taboo.
Question: If two married UCF grads get a divorce, are they still cousins?
Why did the UCF Knight grad get fired from the M&M factory?
He was throwing away to many W's.
How many UCF Knights does it take to tackle a UF Quarterback?
Good question, no one knows.
Did you hear about the UCF Knight who was convinced that her husband was
cheating on her, because none of the children looked like him?
Do you know why there are always several UCF students trying to get tickets in
front of their stadium?
They keep using that Pizza Hut coupon on the back of the ticket on the way to
the game.
Did you hear that when UCF's coach tried to take the team to a restaurant for
their pre-game meal, they were refused service?
Turns out that "No shoes, no service" even applies to football players.
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