Party Personalities, Vol. I
Having a regular party-going schedule during the school-year has provided myself and my friends to meet some very interesting people. It seems like every other night we meet someone who is crazy, interesting, or just bizarre. Here is a rundown of some of the more memorable ones:
SoCo Guy: We met this guy during freshman year drunk out of his mind, I think Blake and Troy were visiting. I dont know how this conversation came about but somehow it got to the subject of Southern Comfort. He agreed that it is indeed the "elixir of the gods" and we hypothesized that it is the very substance that is produced from God's almighty nipples. Since that night we saw the SoCo guy a couple more times, but sadly he has disappeared, and is probably in a gutter somewhere.
Fat Mitch: Funny story. This guy was sitting down on a couch wearing a hat and I went up to him and started talking, thinking it was my friend Mitch. Upon closer inspection I found out that he was actually some sort of Mitch-clone gone wrong...basically Mitch + 50 pounds. We managed to get a pic of him and Mitch together, and that was that. Since then we have seen him at other parties and he has slimmed down, much to my dismay.
Fat Brian: I remember walking into a party at Courtyards still early in the night. I looked up at the same time as another guy and we froze. It was as if I was looking in a funhouse mirror that had distorted my weight. Same hair, glasses, and demeanor, with an additional one-hundred and fifty pounds packed in there somehow. Breaking the stare, we both slowly backed away as if to not disturb the delicate balance of the universe that had since then kept us apart. I hypothesized that if we were to come into contact with one another a black hole would open up and swallow up all of eternity. We ended up talking later that night, and much to my relief - time continued on its steady march and the universe remained unscathed.
Fat Alex: This girl we met at a party recently looked like a less-attractive version of Alex. She had all of Alex's features, yet they were all slightly off. I couldn't really put my finger on what was different but something about her stuck in your brain like a splinter. She was being held captive in conversation at the keg by some guy so Neil, being the good Samaritan that he is went over and butted in on the guys game.
Anime Guy: Neil and I talked to this guy outside another party at Courtyards. He was wearing a Ninja Scroll shirt and we started talking about Anime, particularly FLCL (fooly cooly), and how awesome it was. It was cool to meet a guy that was into anime, but he was kind of creepy so we stopped talking after a bit (and I think he was trying to hit on Alex a bit too much).
No Redeeming Qualities Girl: I'll have to give this title to Neil, who made it up. There is a girl who we see at parties that perfectly fits the description of mediocre. She isn't ugly, yet she isn't attractive; she isn't tall, yet she isn't short; she isn't fat, yet she isn't skinny; she has "No redeeming qualities" yet we all are strangely drawn to her, a walking enigma.
Muscle Guy: We met this guy recently at a party. He was ridiculously ripped, and looked as if he could easily tear a phonebook in half. Me, Neil, and Mitch started talking to him after I went up and challenged him to a fight. He obviously backed down, afraid of my lighting quick fists. He ended up being a cool guy and we talked about weightlifting , etc but he kinda freaked out when the cops came. Good for him.
Guy Who Looked Like Orlando Jones Guy: This guy rolled into a party a while back, and seeing there was nothing left in the keg, attempted to create a mixed drink with what was left in the kitchen. Neil suggested pouring ridiculous amounts of sugar into some sort of alcohol/juice mix and it was horrible. The Orlando Jones guy was a good sport about it.
Girl w/ a million piercings: This chick was hot as hell and had "everything pierced" if you know what I mean. What we could see: both nipples, four in each ear, one in tounge, one in nose, two in the belly button, and according to her "one downstairs". We would have talked with her some more, but the cops came and we had to go.
The Man-Woman: Everyone I talked to thought this "thing" was a guy. Its hair was in a manly pony-tail, and it was wearing a polo shirt with jeans and tennis shoes. It's voice was deeper than 50 percent of the male population. We swore that it was a guy, but we later found out that it was indeed a woman. I still don't believe it.
Man-Woman's Lesbian-Lover: This girl was annoying as hell. She hung around the Man-Woman all night and had the loudest mouth that I have ever heard. She looked like white trash and was wearing one of those black shirts from Hot Topic that had some sort of anti-social phrase on it like...."Keep Staring, I Might Do A Trick". She also was sporting some ghetto-ass Jncos that had to be 30x sizes too big and were touching the ground. Apparently she had the hots for the Man-Woman, excuse me while I throw up.
Creepy Uncle: We met this guy a couple months ago. He had to be in his early forties and was attending his niece's birthday party. He had just returned from combat in Iraq and wouldn't hesitate to tell anyone stories about it. Creepy Uncle was actually really interesting to talk to, but the fact that he was hitting on 18 year old girls earned him the "Creepy" title.
Cancer Patient/12 Year Old Boy: This character was at a party I went to this Saturday night. He looked as if he was pushing barely 12 years old, and was really uncomfortable. He sat on the couch the entire time staring off into space. Poor guy.
Huge Sweaty Black Guy : This is a really funny story. We went to this house party, and everyone would go in the backyard to pee cause there were too many people in line to go to the bathroom. Well, in the backyard was a very friendly dog who loved to run around with everybody. It was very cold that night, and the poor dog was probably freezing. In an bizarre attempt to remedy this, whenever the dog saw someone peeing, it would try to run into the warm stream of urine. Back inside the house, there were some people dancing to music, one being a huge black guy that was sweating up a storm. Well he sits down on the couch to rest and up comes the dog, who had been freshly peed on. The guy pets the dog, comments "Oh man, its wet...I guess he was running around in the sprinkler" and proceeds to wipe his sweat-soaked face with his urine-covered hand. Poor guy.
This was only the beginning....Look for Party Personalities, Vol. II later this week.
SoCo Guy: We met this guy during freshman year drunk out of his mind, I think Blake and Troy were visiting. I dont know how this conversation came about but somehow it got to the subject of Southern Comfort. He agreed that it is indeed the "elixir of the gods" and we hypothesized that it is the very substance that is produced from God's almighty nipples. Since that night we saw the SoCo guy a couple more times, but sadly he has disappeared, and is probably in a gutter somewhere.
Fat Mitch: Funny story. This guy was sitting down on a couch wearing a hat and I went up to him and started talking, thinking it was my friend Mitch. Upon closer inspection I found out that he was actually some sort of Mitch-clone gone wrong...basically Mitch + 50 pounds. We managed to get a pic of him and Mitch together, and that was that. Since then we have seen him at other parties and he has slimmed down, much to my dismay.
Fat Brian: I remember walking into a party at Courtyards still early in the night. I looked up at the same time as another guy and we froze. It was as if I was looking in a funhouse mirror that had distorted my weight. Same hair, glasses, and demeanor, with an additional one-hundred and fifty pounds packed in there somehow. Breaking the stare, we both slowly backed away as if to not disturb the delicate balance of the universe that had since then kept us apart. I hypothesized that if we were to come into contact with one another a black hole would open up and swallow up all of eternity. We ended up talking later that night, and much to my relief - time continued on its steady march and the universe remained unscathed.
Fat Alex: This girl we met at a party recently looked like a less-attractive version of Alex. She had all of Alex's features, yet they were all slightly off. I couldn't really put my finger on what was different but something about her stuck in your brain like a splinter. She was being held captive in conversation at the keg by some guy so Neil, being the good Samaritan that he is went over and butted in on the guys game.
Anime Guy: Neil and I talked to this guy outside another party at Courtyards. He was wearing a Ninja Scroll shirt and we started talking about Anime, particularly FLCL (fooly cooly), and how awesome it was. It was cool to meet a guy that was into anime, but he was kind of creepy so we stopped talking after a bit (and I think he was trying to hit on Alex a bit too much).
No Redeeming Qualities Girl: I'll have to give this title to Neil, who made it up. There is a girl who we see at parties that perfectly fits the description of mediocre. She isn't ugly, yet she isn't attractive; she isn't tall, yet she isn't short; she isn't fat, yet she isn't skinny; she has "No redeeming qualities" yet we all are strangely drawn to her, a walking enigma.
Muscle Guy: We met this guy recently at a party. He was ridiculously ripped, and looked as if he could easily tear a phonebook in half. Me, Neil, and Mitch started talking to him after I went up and challenged him to a fight. He obviously backed down, afraid of my lighting quick fists. He ended up being a cool guy and we talked about weightlifting , etc but he kinda freaked out when the cops came. Good for him.
Guy Who Looked Like Orlando Jones Guy: This guy rolled into a party a while back, and seeing there was nothing left in the keg, attempted to create a mixed drink with what was left in the kitchen. Neil suggested pouring ridiculous amounts of sugar into some sort of alcohol/juice mix and it was horrible. The Orlando Jones guy was a good sport about it.
Girl w/ a million piercings: This chick was hot as hell and had "everything pierced" if you know what I mean. What we could see: both nipples, four in each ear, one in tounge, one in nose, two in the belly button, and according to her "one downstairs". We would have talked with her some more, but the cops came and we had to go.
The Man-Woman: Everyone I talked to thought this "thing" was a guy. Its hair was in a manly pony-tail, and it was wearing a polo shirt with jeans and tennis shoes. It's voice was deeper than 50 percent of the male population. We swore that it was a guy, but we later found out that it was indeed a woman. I still don't believe it.
Man-Woman's Lesbian-Lover: This girl was annoying as hell. She hung around the Man-Woman all night and had the loudest mouth that I have ever heard. She looked like white trash and was wearing one of those black shirts from Hot Topic that had some sort of anti-social phrase on it like...."Keep Staring, I Might Do A Trick". She also was sporting some ghetto-ass Jncos that had to be 30x sizes too big and were touching the ground. Apparently she had the hots for the Man-Woman, excuse me while I throw up.
Creepy Uncle: We met this guy a couple months ago. He had to be in his early forties and was attending his niece's birthday party. He had just returned from combat in Iraq and wouldn't hesitate to tell anyone stories about it. Creepy Uncle was actually really interesting to talk to, but the fact that he was hitting on 18 year old girls earned him the "Creepy" title.
Cancer Patient/12 Year Old Boy: This character was at a party I went to this Saturday night. He looked as if he was pushing barely 12 years old, and was really uncomfortable. He sat on the couch the entire time staring off into space. Poor guy.
Huge Sweaty Black Guy : This is a really funny story. We went to this house party, and everyone would go in the backyard to pee cause there were too many people in line to go to the bathroom. Well, in the backyard was a very friendly dog who loved to run around with everybody. It was very cold that night, and the poor dog was probably freezing. In an bizarre attempt to remedy this, whenever the dog saw someone peeing, it would try to run into the warm stream of urine. Back inside the house, there were some people dancing to music, one being a huge black guy that was sweating up a storm. Well he sits down on the couch to rest and up comes the dog, who had been freshly peed on. The guy pets the dog, comments "Oh man, its wet...I guess he was running around in the sprinkler" and proceeds to wipe his sweat-soaked face with his urine-covered hand. Poor guy.
This was only the beginning....Look for Party Personalities, Vol. II later this week.
1 Comments:
strangley enough i have come upon all these party personalities...except the cancer patient.
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