I travel the world in a private jet,
Swindling Fortune 500 corporations
Into forking over a lot of dough.
As Vice P I make hand over fist in green.
I dress in Armani
And wear spit-polished Lobbs.
My car is a fire-engine-red Viper;
With only 346 miles on it.
I meet celebrities.
I’m on a first name basis with Ben,
And Bullock said she’d stop by the Big A
So I could take her out for margaritas.
My life is the shit and I’m only forty-six.
I got a girl named Regina warming my bed.
She’s twenty-two with a perfect set of boobs.
If my ex-wife knew, she’d be really pissed;
But honestly, that woman’s a shrew.
She kept the kid and makes me pay a crap-load of alimony
So she can live park-side with a penthouse view
(Which is wasted on that bloodsucking harpy.)
When the boy turns eighteen in four years
I’ll take him under my wing to spite the bitch.
He’ll learn about squeezing life like an orange,
Getting the most of it before the sun goes down.