The pretender's tale

by R.G Shivakeshavan

To talk of life as if one has seen it all,
To preach of life as if one has felt it all,
Is a funny way to hide one's fears- Oh the ruse.
For which of the many contradicting truths claim you to choose?


The beauty of anything in this world,
let it be an image, scenery, music or sound
lies in the temporariness of its soul.
It is indeed mortality, the art of not forever being around,
The finishing touch to the beauty of this world.



To see a beautiful autumn barn surrounded by golden and orange leaved trees through the car window as it sped by, to hear the crackle of brown paper bags containing food when one was hungry, these were some of the beautiful things that filled X with wonder. It made X think of a question that was similar to the one that asked that if no one was there to listen, would a tree make a sound in a forest as it fell. X's question was " If there was no one there to sense it, would beauty still exist? "

X was not a chaste nun. Religion was a joke to X. X was the average person in this average world. However X had the knack at recognizing beauty in the simplest of things, living or non-living. These insights into the world led X to realize there was more to life than met the eye. X slowly lost interest in the major materialistic things such as religion and societal protocol.
X had finished university, had a degree B.M , bachelor of moonshine. It did not matter to X anymore. X had no urge to work. X had the outward appearance of a lazy slob, but it could be that X was too confused about the reality of the world to make a move.
As time progressed and X remained dormant, X felt things becoming clearer. The truth of life, X felt, was unraveling itself to X. The day finally came when X decided that something had to be done. X put on a coat as it was very cold and snowing outside. X was thrilled, the meaning of life was running through the billion neurons in X's head. It filled X completely.
X walked through the thinly snow coated pavements, listening to the sharp crunching of snow beneath X's shoes. X was overcome with the beauty of the bright white snow and the sound it made as it was mashed beneath X's soles. Life was so clear to X, the beauty of everything. X wanted to scream out on the top of X's lungs. X felt that the whole world was controllable. X almost laughed at the ridiculous wars being fought, the people dying, territorial disputes and the such. "Those ignorant fools", only if they knew what I do..". And X laughed again and thought , "If they could understand it in the first place".
X walked into the chemist's for a candy bar. There was no harm in enjoying oneself. The dark gray skies above was all too beautiful. X felt all the life around X,nature at work. It was beautiful. Picking up a chocolate coated peanut candy bar, X walked towards the cashier, only to be temporarily surprised at the sight of two gunmen holding up the cashier. A cynical smile crept upon X's face. "The sad fools....If only they knew...", thought X.
Unfortunately the expression on X's face was noticed by one of the gunmen, while the other was dumping money into brown paper bags.

Gunman 2: You think something's funny here? Who the hell are you?

X: I feel sad for you. All of you. You are so involved in your "work", that you just miss the big picture.

Gunman 2: Shut up dips***. Are you crazy? Can't you see what I have in my hand?
(Indicating his gun.)

X: (Smiling) I don't care. It does not scare me.

Gunman2: Maybe a bullet in your a** will change that.

Gunman1: Cool it man. We got the money, nobody need to die. Besides the sh** seems to have lost it.

X: (Now getting angry) If you don't understand, I don't expect you to. Even apes would be easier to explain to.

Gunman2: That does it. (He angrily points the gun barrel at the chest of X... and fires)
X smiled as the bullet hit. The wound blossomed on X's chest like a red rose. There was beauty in it too. For a slightly more materialistic person, it would have been almost an irony, but it was not for X. Just beautiful.

The hot sun beat down upon the ruined houses, some more ruined than the others. The distant sound of gunfire was not unusual to the ears of Y. Y cuddled with a half ripped teddy bear in a corner of a ruined house. It was going to be another hot and hard day.

Y's parents were killed in the war. It was done right in front of Y's eyes. They were trying to escape the place in a packed car, when the foreigners came in a big huge tank and blasted them right out of the sky. Y's mother shoved Y out of the car window just in time. Then the car exploded in a flaming ball of fire. Y went mute with horror.

Y was 8 at that time. Now Y was 12 but things had not changed much. The foreigners were still there. Still killing innocents here and there. They claimed that they had come in peace but their actions seemed otherwise. As much as Y hated them for killing Y's parents, Y could not blame them entirely. It was the narrow minded people in that very land who kept prolonging the battle. It seemed as if neither side had any intention of really bringing peace. Everything seemed so horrible.

The hot sands burning ones bare soles held no beauty for Y. Even the sand was not pure. Scattered with debris, ruins, broken pieces of glass and torn cloth, it was ugly. Living as a scavenger off the lands, Y was transformed into a person who could see no purpose in anything. A ruined house just stood for another destroyed family. A dead person stood for another destroyed dream.

Whether it was worth living, was the primary question that echoed in the empty mind of Y. Y decided to try to live a little longer until the answer became clearer.

Y ambled wearily down the corridor of ruins looking around for any signs of food or water. Y suddenly saw strange flashes, faces of people never seen before. Y leaned against a rock, eyes closing. It was a land different from Y's own. The sands were white and cold instead of brown and hot. People were dressed nicely. The clouds were dark and gray and soft white pearls fell from the sky. It was ...for the first time....something beautiful. Y's eyes opened. He knew. He would live. He would go to the happy place.

Then they both knew. X had reached out in the last moments of her life, and had seen a vision through the eyes of a child in a distant land. It was horrible. There was not one beautiful thing in sight. She smiled, not the smile of an all knowing one, but the smile of a person who had just awakened from a foolish dream.

Doleo mutator de tempus