Starting at an early age and continuing throughout life, we constantly find ourselves in situations where interacting with others is necessary.  Knowing how to be a friend is one of the most important jobs in life.  Many children begin learning the skills necessary to develop positive frienships when they start school and they begin socializing with other children their age.  However, this process does not come naturally to everybody.  There are many children who are having trouble developing the social skills they need to make friends.  As a result, children feel isolated, disliked or rejected. 

     As counselors, we should be aware of the student's feelings and be able to identify those who are struggling with establishing frienships.  The purpose of this group is to help students discover the basic aspects of frienship.  This is done through a variety of play therapy techniques desgined to facilitate the learning process.

     The techniques were developed with the upper elementary grades in mind.  Nevertheless, they can be modified to whatever level you wish to work with.  The group should be no more than 6 kids.
 

Objective:  1) Have students become acquainted with each other.
                 2) Discuss the rules of the group.
                 3) Provide an opportunity for each student to learn about him/herself and about the other group members.

Materials Needed:  1) The Ungame

Procedures: 
  Activity 1- The Name Game
     1) Go around the circle and have each student tell their own name and the name of a famous person they have met.
     2) Allow each child a chance to tell what was special about meeting the person.
     3) This should take about 5-7 minutes.

  Activity 2- Group Rules 
     Allow five minutes to discuss the group norms.  Children should take an active part in establishing the rules, so they are meaningful to them.

  Activity 3- The Ungame
     1) Sit in a circle, either on the floor or in chairs.
     2) One student begings by drawing a card and answering the question. 
     3) When the student finishes with their question, he or she asks the same question to the person sitting on either side of him or her.
     4) The other student answers the question and then has the chance to draw his or her own card.
     5)  Continue with this procedure until each person has several chances to answer questions.

Processing Leads:

• "The first step in making friends is meeting people and getting to know each other."
• "How did this game help you to know the other group members?"
• "What did you learn about yourself or the other students that you did not already know?"
• "Which questions did you enjoy answering more?"
• "Is there anything else you would like to know about anyone in the group?"
• "Is there anything else you would like to tell about yourself?"

Recommendations:

• As the students respond to the questions, use appropriate facilitative responses to process their thoughts and feelings.
• The leader should be aware when students give the same answer.  Linking their common answers may establish cohesiveness within the group.
• The leader should also be aware of differences in opinions.  These differences can be used to show that diversity exists and does not have to be an obstacle in establishing friendships.

Objective:  1)To learn about the qualities of friendships.
                2) To help students identify which qualities are most important for them to find in a friendship.
                3) To help students identify the qualities they possess that make them good friends.

Materials Needed:  1) CD or cassette player.
                            2) The music and lyrics for "That's What Friends are For," by Dionne Warwick.

Procedures:
  Activity- Listening to the Song
     1) Distribute lyrics for the song to the group members.
     2) Play the song and ask them to listen for different qualities of a friend.
     3) Give the group five minutes to analyze the qualities mentioned in the songs and identify those that they value the most.
     4) Lead a group discussion about what makes those qualities important.

 Processing Leads:

• "What quality do you value most in a friend?"
• "Have you ever had a friend that does not have this quality?  How do you describe that person?"
• "If you had a magic wand and you could make the perfect friend, what would he or she be like?"
• "Which of these qualities makes you a good friend?  Which qualities do you need to work on?"
• "Can you give me examples of how you will demonstrate that quality?"

• If there is enough time, provide paper and pencil to allow the students to create their own songs about friendship.
• Be prepared to help the children understand the meaning of the lyrics.

Objective:  1)  To identify difficult situations they may encounter with friends.
                 2)  To think of healthy solutions to those problems.
                 3)  To give them a chance to rehearse effective behaviors to deal with their differences

Materials Needed:  1)  Blackboard and chalk

Procedures:
  Activity 1 - What is Wrong with Them?
    1)  Ask the students to think about difficult situations they may face with friends or about problems they have had in the past.
    2)  Do a go-around and as the students share their experiences, the leader writes them on the blackboard.
    3)  For each problem listed, have the students think of ways to handle those situations.

  Activity 2 - Work It Out!
    1)  Ask the student to choose the solution that best fits him.
    2)  The student should choose another member of the group to role play it with her/him.
    3)  After each role play, the leader and the other group members provide appropriate feedback to the actors.
    4)  Give each of the actors a chance to talk about how they felt about the problem and the solution.
    5)  After feedback is given, allow the students to repeat the role play, making changes if necessary.
    6)  Allow each student to participate.

Processing Leads:

• "How did you feel acting out that solution?"
• "What have you done in the past to deal with that situation?"
• "Can you think of another way to solve the problem?"
• "What do you think you will do in the future if that problem arises again?"
• "Has anyone else experienced that same situation?"
• "How did you handle it and what would you change about it?"
• "Can anyone tell ...(actors) what other things they can do?"

• Prepare the students in giving and receiving appropriate feedback.
• Coach the students, if they are having trouble putting into practice the new behaviors.
• Allow rehearsal for better learning.

Objective:  1)  To identify traits that help friends stick together
                 2)  To recognize behaviors that hurt friendships

Materials:  1)  Stick Together Cards (refer to the recommendation section for a list of reproducible trait cards).
                2)  Tape
                3)  Basket

Procedure:
    1)  Cut out trait card and put them in the basket.
    2)  Explain that each card has a trait that either helps a friendship or harms it. 
    3)  Have the first student pull out a card from the basket and determine if it helps the friends "stick together" or causes 
         them to pull apart. 
    4)  If it is a "stick together" card, wrap tape around his waist and ask him to remain standing.
    5)  The next student that gets a "stick together" card gets to be taped to the previous student.  Keep playing until all students
          are taped together. 
    6)  After they are taped together, ask them to walk together to the other side of the room without breaking the tape. 

Processing Leads:

• "Can someone describe what happened?"
• "How did it feel when you pulled a card that kept you from sticking to the other group members?"
• "What traits pulled you apart? How do you think this affects your friendship?"
• "Can you think of other situations that can pull you apart?"
• "When is it ok to stick together in a difficult situation?"
• "How did you feel when somebody else brought a positive trait to your frienship?"
• "What was it like to walk across the room together with your friends?"
• "When you walked together, where there times when it was difficult to stick together?  In life, what might make it hard for even good friends to always stick together?" 
• If the taped broke when they were walking, discuss about possible ways to mend frienships (piece the tape back together). 

• Add any other processing responses that are appropriate the group's issues.
• Suggestions for the trait cards are:

Objective:  1) To review what the students have learned about friendship.
                 2) To identify the aspects of friendship that each student still needs to work on.
                 3) To close the group session.

Materials:  1) Handout of a shield with five blank spaces 
                2) Crayons

Procedures:
  1) Give each student a handout of the friendship shield.
  2) Ask each student to read each statement and draw a symbol or picture their answer to the question in the appropriate space.
  3) Suggestions for the statements are:

• Space #1: Based on the qualities that are important for you, draw a picture or symbol of what makes a good friend.
• Space #2: Draw a picture or symbol of a time when you stood up for a friend or anybody else.
• Space #3: Draw a picture of symbol of the positive qualities a friend would see in you.
• Space #4: Draw a picture or symbol of the most helpful thing you have learned from our activities.  Draw another symbol to show something positive you learned from another group member.
• Space #5: Draw a picture or symbol of a gift you would like to give to the person sitting to the right of you that would help him/her be a better friend.

Processing Leads:

• Tell the group that this is the last session.  Let them know that the purpose of this activity is to bring together all that they have learned in the previous sessions.
• Use basic facilitative responses as the children present and discuss their drawings.  Use linking when appropriate.

• Remind the students that emphasis of the activity is not on the artwork, but rather what the picture or symbol represents.
• Because this is the last session, try to focus on the positive.
• The leader should also participate in making drawings.  This can show that he/she also benefited from the group and the things they discussed.