WELCOME TO THE PSYCHOLOGY CLINIC
HELPLINE:
If
you
are
obsessive-compulsive,
press
1 repeatedly.
If
you
are
passive-dependent,
please
ask
someone
to
press
2for
you.
If
you
are
codependent,
please
press
2 for
the
passive-dependentperson.
If
you
are
manic-depressive,
press
0 gently,
then
9 hard,
then0
gently,
then
9 hard.
If
you
have
multiple
personality
disorder,
press
3,
4,
5,
6,&
7 followed
by
####.
If
you
have
borderline
personality
disorder,
press
8 for
help,then
hang
up.
Call
back
immediately
raging
about
being
ignored.
Then
begin
crying
and
apologize
profusely
for
losingyour
temper.
Repeat
process.
If
you
are
paranoid
or
delusional,
we
know
who
you
are
and
whatyou
want.
Just
stay
on
the
line
and
we'll
trace
the
call.
If
you
are
schizophrenic,
listen
carefully
and
a little
voicewill
tell
you
which
number
to
press.
If
you
are
depressed,
it
doesn't
matter
which
number
you
press,no
one
will
answer.