THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES 

1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a

woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing

machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

4. How do you know when a woman is about to say
something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A
man once told me."

5. How do you fix a woman's watch? 
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

6. Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up
the required pressure.

7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in
first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let
him in.

8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman
that won't do what she's told.

9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
name was "Always."

10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't
like to interrupt her.

11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her 
intelligence? Divorced.

12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes 
a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake.

13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus. Engagement Ring,
Wedding Ring, Suffering.

14. Our last fight was my fault; My wife asked me.
"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

15. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.



Now on a completly different subject...


 A man in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he
leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.  The
Driver screamed, jumped up in the air, yanked the
wheel over. The car  jumped the curb, demolished a
lamp post, and came to a stop inches from a  shop
window.
 The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to
frighten you, just wanted to  ask you something."  
The taxi driver says, "Not your fault sir.  It's my
first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse
for the past 25 years!"