THE SECRET LIFE OF BILL CLINTON 
In a blind rage provoked by last night's U.S. Supreme Court ruling 
favoring George W. Bush in the Florida election count, President 
Clinton signed off on more than a dozen controversial environmental 
proposals early this morning that had been relegated to the 
hinterland of his administration.  Among other actions, Clinton 
provided national monument status to the Arctic National Wildlife 
Refuge in Alaska, which Bush had promised to open up to oil 
development.  He took action to declare SUVs illegal within U.S. 
borders and to raise the federal gasoline tax by $3.23 a gallon for 
the remaining 37 days of his administration.  Clinton also went solo 
and ratified the Kyoto climate change treaty all by himself, declared 
environmental racism rampant in the country, and donned a hat with a 
solar-powered propeller on top.  Aides say that they hadn't seen Mr. 
Clinton so angry "since that impeachment thing." 
we wish it were true:  alas ...