I Watch a Lot of Movies, and...
In which I pretend to be a movie critic. In alphabetical order, too,
lookit that! I'm kind of organized!
ARMY OF DARKNESS
Why am I reviewing the final installment of the Evil Dead movies
and not the first two? Well, for starters, I saw this one first. Secondly,
I haven't seen the other two in their entirety yet, and I don't think I should
be talking about them. Army of Darkness is a stupid B-movie that
revels in being a stupid B-movie, and in so doing, rises above its label to
become something far greater: A smarter B-movie. To put it another way,
this is the kind of stuff you'd see on Mystery Science Theater 3000
, except it's supposed to be bad, so it's good. Plus, it works in
a reference to the classic sci-fi movie The Day The Earth Stood Still
, and you don't see that every day.
Favorites: Catching the chainsaw in the pit. "I may be bad, but I
feel... good." The undead army. Evil Ash. "Ma'am, I'm going
to have to ask you to leave the store."
DAREDEVIL
I'm not a big fan of Ben Affleck, although I liked him in Dogma
and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and I freely concede that I think
Jennifer Garner is massively overrated in all areas (her WV origins be darned).
Furthermore, I thought their appointment to this movie was made for
publicity reasons only. I still stand by that as far as Ms. Garner
is concerned, because God knows there are a lot of actresses that could do
what she did and look like they're actually of Greek origin. But
the movie itself was a respectable interpretation of the comic - in places,
it was even darker than DD's paper self could get - and the fighting only
occasionally ventured into the realms of "yeah, right, another twenty-five-foot
leap." DD's curse-and-blessing superpowers were handled quite well
indeed, and the costume looked good. My only real complaint is that
it rained every five minutes.
Favorites: The end result of Elektra vs. Bullseye. Pain pills, scars,
and loose teeth (the realism, people!). Shadow World. Bullseye
and airline peanuts. Bullseye vs. Daredevil. The priest. Foggy
Nelson and the alligators. The creator name-dropping (Quesada, Romita,
Miller, Mack, Bendis). Kevin Smith as morgue attendant/informant.
Frank Miller as a Bullesye victim. Stan Lee's cameo as the pedestrian
saved by young Matt.
MULAN
I'm a sucker for animated Disney movies, I really am. I've seen
just about all of 'em, and there are a few I watch now with the fondness
of childhood nostalgia, but there's only one I watch with an appreciative
eye. (Guess which one.) I've seen comments to the effect of,
"This movie disrespected the source material by being humorous," to which
I can only reply: Nonsense. The humor and the drama are mixed very
effectively, with lighter scenes keeping the darker subject matter - the
war, the death, the dire consequences of Mulan's charade - from becoming
overburdening. Furthermore, I find it highly unlikely that Disney
could've produced a movie where crossdressing is a central plot element
without making it at least partly a comedy. Mulan works, and
as far as historical accuracy goes... well, it's Disney. Also being
Disney, there are songs. Four songs, in fact, but luckily, only one
of them sucks ("Reflection", if you're curious).
Favorites: Grandma stealing every scene she's in. The Emperor. The
Huns charging in the mountains (a truly eye-popping sequence). The
ill-fated visit with the Matchmaker. Little Brother and the chickens.
"Ugly concubines." Shan-Yu's big finish. Eddie Murphy as
a dragon. "A life for a life."
ADAM SANDLER MOVIES
These are more or less the same characters in similar plots, so I've lumped
them all together. You might be surprised to know that I like
Adam Sandler movies, despite the fact that I am a girl and girls
are not really the target audience.
Happy Gilmore is the best. With golf, hockey, Grandma's house
on the line, and a villain you just have to hate - plus a bunch of weirdos
not a little reminiscent of Caddyshack. - it's just a fun little movie.
The level of cursing is high, but that's made into a joke, too.
Billy Madison is the least coherent. However, it has its moments,
and there's a lot to be said for. Big Daddy , as one reviewer
put it, could be called Happy Gilmore Gets a Kid . It lacks
the fun spirit of the other two movies.
Favorites: Happy vs. Bob Barker. "Frankstein's fat foot." The
running subplot of Chubbs and the gator. Happy's many outbursts of
anger and violence. The "Hey, you no want breakfast?" scene also stands
out.
Electric Light Orchestra's "Telephone Line" and a list of people to kill.
Billy's debate speech. The penguin.
Scuba Steve. The many uses of the McDonald's breakfast menu. The
running Hooters joke.
SPIDER-MAN
It's interesting to see the parallels between comic book movies and comic
books. Superman was first both times, and Batman broadened the scope
to heroic but not superhuman characters - and then comes Spider-Man. The
end result in both media? DC did it first, but Marvel did it better
. This was a big, splashy movie with a lot of special effects, and
quite a few good fights, but what really impressed the bejeezus out of the
unknowing masses were the characters. Casting solid actors - not just
names a la the ill-fated Batman and Robin - and then giving
them a script with teeth is the real reason the movie did as well as it did,
financially. And sure, you can argue that Spidey wasn't the real Marvel
trendsetter in the movie world; Blade, MIB (to be fair, it
was acquired by Marvel well after its conception) and X-Men all predated
the webslinger's big-screen debut. But that $800 million worldwide
theatrical gross is pretty convincing.
Favorites: Uncle Ben. When Peter figures out his webbing. The
"Oh, great" line in the fire fight; Spidey goes from wannabe hero to realistic
in two words. J. Jonah Jameson steals the second half of the movie.
Bruce Campbell as the wrestling annoucer. Aunt May's "you do
too much" speech. MJ's final scene. The end-of-credits homage
to what came before. Stan Lee's blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo in the
World Unity Festival crowd. Basically, the whole movie.
X-MEN
I've read the comics since I was in seventh grade (which is getting to
be a depressingly long time ago), so rest assured that I went into this with
very high expectations and a watchful eye. Of course, as the world
now knows, this movie rocked. A bare 90 minutes long - over 100 minutes
when you add the credits and such - it never gets bogged down in extraneous
foolishness. This is plot, baby, and it hustles right along.
The acting is outstanding, the story is solid, the directing is excellent,
and the special effects are above average; the latter is significant because
the movie wasn't given a giant SFX budget like Spider-Man , but they
managed to make what they had look good anyway.
Favorites: Ooooo, where do I start, where do I start. Easy
- the beginning. Starting the movie in WWII Poland, with a crowd of
Jews being herded off to the camps, is just so powerful, and so important
to the movie's tone, that I can't overemphasize it. On a more humorous
track, the interactions between Cyclops and Wolverine are priceless, especially
in the Statue of Liberty fight when Cyke demands proof of Wolvie's identity.
How Rogue gets her white streak is awesome. Storm vs. Toad (minus
her parting line) reminds us all why it's not nice to fool with Mother Nature.
Oh, and Stan Lee as the hot dog vendor on the beach.
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