I believe that the best two captains Star Trek has had are Jean-Luc Picard and James Tiberius Kirk. But of those two, I think Picard is better, thus, this list. This is a continually growing list of reasons why Picard is the better captain. There are already over 200 reasons here, which is more than any other list! And yes, I realize that only nerds create pages like this. Know what? I don't care. heh heh. This page contains:

1) Material brought from other web pages that I deemed worthy and/or edited.
2) Reasons that other people have submitted to me.
3) Reasons that I have created.

If you have any more reasons that you would like to add to this list, I would be more than happy to add them. Email me at omni_prime@yahoo.com. Thank you. Names in parenthesis are the creators of the reason. If the name is in italics, it is referring to the TOS or TNG episode name.

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Here are some guidelines for entry submission:
Please put "Why Picard Is Better than Kirk" in the email subject header to assure it will be read. If you are sending more than one reason, please put all your reasons in only one email.
Please read the entire list before submitting an entry; if your entry sounds too similar to one already posted, I cannot use it!  I apologize if I had to reject an entry, but it's important that this list refrain from redundancy. If it was rejected, try another one! Remember that this site is for humor purposes, so let's try not to be too mean-spirited. Please note that it may take a while for this page to be updated with your entry.  Your submission will be credited to you. I will not print your full name (to protect your privacy). I will print a nickname if you ask. Please note that by submitting an entry, I reserve the right to edit your entry.
I am still looking for the original creators of many entrees. (If you are one, please email me so I can give you credit)
If you are creating a Picard vs. Kirk page, please do not copy and paste everything I have here. But for the audio files on this site, I do not care if you download them and put them on your site or even link to where I am storing them as long as you give my site credit with a link. Have Fun! (Images with borders are thumbnails, click them to see the full picture.)
PS: Make sure you check out the Ultimate Reason at the bottom of the list!!!


The larger the number the newer the reason

247. When Picard marries a couple, he doesn't lose the groom in battle.

246. Picard can speak in more languages than Kirk has ever heard.

245. Kirk was the first captain to see a Romulan, but Picard went to Romulus & kicked their butts.

244. Kirk never met an alien female he didn't like...

243. Kirk bested an old, tired has-been called Apollo, while Picard has bested an omnipotent being several times.

242. What really happened when Picard and Kirk met.

Picard talking to a friend, the groundskeeper of Starfleet Academy.

241. Picard has better taste in recreation (who needs a local bar when you've got a holodeck).

240. Picard looks better as a detective than Kirk does as a gangster.

239. Picard would never allow anyone to shoot close ups of his face in soft focus like Kirk does (OmniPrime)

238. Picard saved the Federation from the space bugs.

237. Picard became a Borg and Borg Queen fell and love with him. Kirk became a woman. (OmniPrime)

236. Picard can quote Shakespeare & doesn't need spectacles to read it.

235. Picard can fence.

234. Picard makes a better Romulan than Kirk does.

233. Picard is a wine connoisseur.

232. Picard punches Ferengi better than Kirk ever punched the Klingons of the first series.

231. Picard never let a bald midget in a dwarf ship with a scary dummy fake him out for an entire episode.

230. Picard didn't let some female with a loose screw take over his body & his ship while sticking him in her body.

229. Picard hasn't EVER had to spend an entire episode ridding his ship of furry hairballs which reproduce.

228. Picard doesn't lose as many red shirts.

227. Picard has killed Klingons in hand to hand combat on several different occasions.

226. Picard has broken the Prime Directive at least a dozen times.

Picard the diplomat.

225. Picard can swear in Klingon.

224. Kirk never climbed a turbo shaft with a foxy lady & got it on in the bowels of the ship.

223. Kirk never mind melded with a Vulcan to help the VULCAN with his self control.

222. When Kirk was 12 he was learning how to drive a tractor. When Picard was 12 he was able to thwart a group of Ferengi that captured the Enterprise and enslaved the crew.

221. Picard got more respect from Klingons than Kirk ever did, even when Picard reverted back to the physical appearance of a twelve year old.

220. Picard has the willpower to repeatedly insult his Cardasian captor while being tortured (Chain of Command Part II) (Omni Prime)

219. When Shatner went on "The Weakest Link" Star Trek edition, Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher) survived much longer than Shatner. Wesley Crusher, the boy that piloted Picard's Enterprise, is smarter than the great Kirk himself? Do you have any idea how pitiful that is? lol (Omni Prime)

218. When Shatner went on "The Weakest Link" Star Trek edition, he thought the roman numeral for 100 was "X". Heh heh, isn't it common knowledge that X is the roman numeral for 10??? No wonder their five year mission only lasted three years. (Omni Prime)

217. When Shatner went on "The Weakest Link" Star Trek edition, he was the second person voted off. John de Lancie (Q) was the first if you care. But guess who won? It was Picard's Chief Engineer, Geordi LaForge. (Picard was not on the show, but of course someone from TNG would win) The person who was very close to winning was the HoloDoc from Star Trek: Voyager. (Omni Prime)

Picard Prearing for battle in ST:X

Picard briefing his crew before the Enterprise-E's final battle, which I do believe to be the best battle scene Star Trek ever made, the second best being Kirk vs. Khan in Star Trek II.

216. Kirk's chief engineer could fix just about anything on the Enterprise. Just one of Picard's engineers could do that as well as argue intelligently with Einstein. He also took the Enterprise to the center of the galaxy, discovered everything there was to know about the universe and then reduced it to one simple equation. (Omni Prime).

215. The Enterprise-D set the record for the number of times a starship could be blown up in a single episode. The Enterprise-D blew up four times in 44 minutes. Let's see Kirk's Enterprise do that! (Cause and Effect) (Omni Prime)

214. No one can say "Abandon Ship! Repeat! All Hands Aband--[Enterprise blows up]" better than Picard. (Cause and Effect) (Omni Prime)

213. Picard has the balls to stand among hundreds of Klingons and argue with them.

212. Kirk never knew Scotty lied to him about the status of the engines because he didn't understand the Enterprise didn't use gas.

211. Picard's science officer has a detachable head.

210. Kirk Quote: "Oochy Woochy Coochy Coo!" (Friday's Child) Awww! Kirk is trying to speak more like an adult! Maybe he might be able to get rid of those awkward pauses this time. (Omni Prime)

209. Picard thwarted a group of terrorists on the Enterprise-D alone with a little creativity and a crossbow (Starship Mine). (Omni Prime)

208. Picard has quotes like: "Let's make sure history never forgets the name Enterprise" (Yesterday's Enterprise). (Omni Prime)

207. Stewart hasn't stooped to the level of doing dot com commercials like Shatner has.

206. Picard can beat a Vulcan in hand to hand combat.

205. Kirk was a woman (Turnabout Intruder episode).

204. Stuff like The Captain Picard Rap: Make It So. (It gets better towards the end).

203. Kirk saved Earth by time traveling and transporting two whales. When Kirk returned to Earth after this he was demoted. Picard saved Earth by time traveling, assisting in Earth's First Contact (which forever changed the course of humanity), blowing up a Borg cube and a Borg sphere, slaughtering countless Borg drones, assisting in the assassination of the Borg Queen, and overseeing humanity's first light speed jump. Which would look better on a resume? (Omni Prime)

202. When Picard has a holiday he goes home, gets drunk and brawls. Kirk sits at a camp-fire toasting marshmallows while singing "Row row row your boat" .

201. Picard ate Romulan soup and didn't even flinch. Much.

200. Picard doesn't need to jump through big stone doughnuts to travel in time.

Picard standing before Q in effort to save the universe

Picard on trial to save Humanity

199. Remember the time when the Captain of the Enterprise was a slow-moving, monosyllabic automaton with a funny name? But enough about Kirk, how about those TNG battle scenes? (Omni Prime)

198. Kirk only managed to make himself look relatively attractive by carefully selecting his crew; contrast is everything.

197. Picard would never let his son get killed by Klingons.

196. Two words: Command presence.

195. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.

194. Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side of Kirk's wig.

193. How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk. Picard has sent far less people to their death than Kirk (not counting Locutus).

192. Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.

191. When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly Stargazer. This was because Starfleet had realized the value of "progressive experience" having witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.

190. If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to relocate the command chair in sick-bay.

189. Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.

188. Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.

187. Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.

186. Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.

185. Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert. This goes to both Kirk and Janeway.

184. Picard won't spend his retirement writing science fiction books or making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.

183. Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.

182. Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.

181. Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps. Behold the wonders of voice command!

180. Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound. What does Kirk have?

179. Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie. Patrick Stewart is actually taking a huge pay cut in the next Star Trek film, Nemesis. (Omni Prime)

178. Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.

Kirk and Uhura, what is this? Kirk? A Roman Caesar?

Kirk: "Delusions of godhood", apparently a Roman god or Caesar.

177. Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.

176. If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.

175. Picard's First Officer and Security Officer (Worf, not Tasha) eat the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.

174. Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise". Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?

173. Picard's phaser fires a burst of potentially lethal energy. It does not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.

172. Picard blows up another starship more than once a season. Also when he does, it's for a damn good reason.

171. Kirk fights like Adam West. Pow!

170. Picard can climb rocks without falling off.

169. Picard's uniform fits. Particularly around the midriff.

168. Picard's engineers never lie to him about how long it takes to fix something, because no one, not even Starfleet engineers, mess with Picard.

167. Picard knows how to make a starship last. Kirk has gone through 3 already; that's a trifle careless.

166. Kirk is so boring he's caused several computers to self-destruct merely by talking to them.

165. Picard never has to sign an Etch-a-Sketch attendance register kept by Yeomans with hair like a helter-skelter.

164. Picard never has pretentious episode titles like, "For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky".

165. Picard would never wear eye makeup. Ever.

Picard and Worf firing phaser rifles

Picard firing a phaser rifle alongside Worf firing a "24th century bazooka" (if you find out what it's really called, email me).

164. Kirk has to fight Klingons to get his way. Picard only has to tell them what to do.

163. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate, & charcoal and used it to fire diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. Picard is a starship captain, not MacGyver.

162. While Kirk did make most of the decisions aboard his ship, this was only because advice from his crew was almost exclusively limited to "That's illogical Captain," "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim," "It's life, but not as we know it" and "Klingons on the starboard bow." Small wonder really.

161. Picard would never have let his second in command irradiate himself in the engine room.

160. One word: SQUISHED (what would happen to Kirk and his ship had he met the Borg and tried to deal with them in the same manner as he deals with most other things).

159. Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in go-go boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.

158. Picard never shot his best friend's body into space using a photon torpedo.

157. Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.

156. Picard doesn't need hair - real or not.

155. Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.

154. The only way Picard would allow tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.

Explosion on the Bridge in Star Trek: Nemesis

Picard commanding the Enterprise-E during a battle with his nemesis, Shinzon.

153. Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive" - a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.

152. Three words: seven whole seasons. Kirk's show was cut off the air after three.

151. Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.

150. Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.

149. Picard doesn't need to wear glasses. Wait, why would Kirk even need glasses in the 23rd century?

148. Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 1 or 2 lines.

147. Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.

146. Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from period 1950's dramas.

145. Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.

144. On Kirk's ship, they used the English Measurement system on occasion, Picard's ship uses SI. In the 23rd century who the heck would use the old English system? (Omni Prime)

143. In a survey conducted by startrek.com, the best Star Trek episode ever turned out to be "The Best of Both Worlds", a TNG Episode. (Omni Prime)

142. Kirk and Spock - The Lost Gay Episode. (very disgusting, there I warned you, so don't say I didn't)

141. Picard once saved the Enterprise from terrorists, all alone, only with a laser cutter. Bruce Willis would be proud.

140. Picard has never toyed around with history, but if he had to, he always restored it as it was.

Star Trek: Generations Scenes

Scenes from Star Trek: Generations

139. Picard refused to take a command until he had enough experience. Kirk took a command as soon as he could - and was captured and held prisoner on every third mission.

138. Ever hear the term no credit is worse than bad credit? Well, Picard has not directed a Star Trek film, Kirk directed Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, which is generally believed to be the worst Star Trek film ever. (Omni Prime)

137. Picard is assigned to prevent Romulans from entering a Klingon civil war. Kirk is assigned to protect bins of wheat from invasion by tiny fuzz balls.

136. Picard succeeds in preventing Romulans from entering a Klingon civil war. Kirk fails to protect bins of wheat from invasion by tiny fuzz balls.

135. Picard's Enterprise has "windows".

134. When Picard is bored, he reads Shakespeare (countless TNG Episodes). When Kirk is bored, he wrestles with young boys (Charlie X).

133. Picard's nemesis: an omnipotent malevolent being (Q). Kirk's nemesis: a beer-bellied liar (Mudd). (Omni Prime)

132. If Kirk wants a Bird of Prey, he has to steal one. Picard just has to ask, and the Klingons give him one.

131. When Picard's Enterprise cloaks, it can travel through solid rock.

130. Picard never got obsessed by the idea of killing a *cloud*.

Picard in Dune Buggy in Star Trek: Nemesis

While Kirk drives Tractors, Picard drives the ARGO (really, he did 90% of the driving in ST:X)

129. When Picard gets captured by Romulans, he fights his way out.  When Kirk gets captured by Romulans, he pretends that he's dead until they go away.

128. When going into warp, Picard's Enterprise changes shape and disappears in a brilliant flash of light.  Kirk's Enterprise just makes a whooshing sound.

127. Picard's science officer has perfect recall, knows the Vulcan neck pinch, and *never* sleeps.

126. Picard can actually speak to an android of high intelligence and be understood.

125. Picard can pilot the one of the largest ships in the Federation (The Enterprise) though a mine/asteroid field while running on back up power and impulse engines offline. (Omni Prime)

124. Kirk never said "Abandon ship!  All hands abandon ship!" because he was already out of there at the first hint of trouble.

123. Kirk left the Enterprise to become a police captain.

122. Picard is still on the Enterprise.

121. Picard cares if the crew lives or dies.

120. The Borg only assimilate intelligent life. If Kirk had met the Borg, they wouldn't have assimilated him. They would have discarded him as space debris.

119. Picard is alive. Kirk is dead.

118. Picard admits he's made mistakes.  It takes a real man to admit their errors.

117. Picard never wore gray pajamas on the bridge.

116. Kirk didn't have the good sense to turn down the admiralty like Picard did.

The TNG Cast

The ST:TNG Crew and the Enterprise-E.

115.  Let's face it....it may have made a great character moment, but when you get right down to it, Kirk cheated on his biggest academy test!

114.  Kirk: Dukes it out with doppelganger; Picard: Doesn't waste time: Shoots doppelganger with phaser.

113.  Kirk has booze given to him; Picard family makes its own damn wine.

112. Kirk: Sobs like a baby when son dies (Star Trek III: The Search for Spock); Picard: Laughs like a hyena when stabbed through heart (Tapestry).

111. Kirk: Chews crew members out for engaging in bar braw (The Trouble with Tribbles); Picard: Takes on three Naussicans in bar braw (Tapestry).

110. Kirk: Subjects Spock to court-martial; Picard: Allows Worf to whack a guy with only a reprimand.

109. Football analogy: Picard is to the coach as Kirk is to the water boy.

108. Kirk fights has-been Greek god, Picard worshipped as a god.

107. Kirk bothered by mild astigmatism, Picard kicks ass for forty years with artificial heart.

106. At academy, Picard noted for marathon skill, Kirk called "stack of books with legs."

105. Kirk near 60: thinking of retirement; Picard near 60: still in prime.

104. Kirk never told a member of the bridge crew to "shut up."

103. Kirk has wimpy lunch served to him by Yeoman, Picard fixes own food in the replicator. (Omni Prime)

102. Klingons: Drag Kirk to ice prison, allow Picard to choose their leader.

101. Picard is smarter than his first officer.

100. Picard can talk without pauses. (Omni Prime)

99. Picard does not have an issue with his baldness, while Kirk does. (Sky of October)

The Enterprise D and Shuttle Craft

The Enterprise NCC-1701-D


The Enterprise NCC-1701

98. Picard fires both photon torpedoes and phasers at the same time when in battle.

97. Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- bigger, faster, stronger, more elegant.

Here is proof in a ship comparison:

Enterprise NCC-1701: Length: 288 meters Crew: 430

Enterprise NCC-1701-D: Length: 642 meters Crew: 1014

Enterprise NCC-1701-E: Length: 685 meters Crew: 800 (Omni Prime)

96. Two words: better actor.

95. Picard can control his hormones unlike Kirk (you know what I'm talking about). (Sky of October)

94. Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a BAR.

93. Picard is not a racist, unlike Kirk, who has said many times how much he hates the Klingons (Star Trek VI espicially) (Sky of October).

92. When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for Picard.

91. In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's. (Sky of October)

90. Picard was never killed by his first officer.

89. Picard's family made alcoholic beverages for a living.

88. Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has kept Worf for seven years.

87. No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the Monkeys.

86. Kirk chose to never join Starfleet and to instead follow an easier path in Star Trek: Generations when he was in the Nexus. Picard realized it was a fantasy and chose to save a star system as well as convincing Kirk that reality was more important that fantasy. Also note, Kirk, aware of his friends Bones and Spock, decided that if he had to do everything over again, he would never meet them and follow his love Antonia. How's that for a friendship? (Omni Prime)

85. Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.

84. Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and all of humanity while still a lowly captain. (Omni Prime)

83. Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not saying much.

82. Kirk slipped onboard a Romulan Warbird. Picard made it all the way to Romulus, infiltrated the capital, and made it back to Federation territory. (Omni Prime)

81. Picard's crew gambles.

80. Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.

Picard at Riker and Troi's Wedding in Star Trek: Nemesis

Picard as best man for Riker and Troi's wedding.

79. Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of Lite-Brite boards.

78. Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker".

77. Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.

76. No sideburns. 'Nuff said.

75. Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to transport a former captain anywhere.

74. Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet HQ. Kirk's name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races alike.

73. Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when he orders it to do so, he MEANS it.

72. Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made to attack other Starfleet vessels.

71. Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.

70. Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need we say more?

69. Picard posed as an intergalactic mercenary and was tortured extensively after capture by the Cardassians -- and never broke a sweat.

68. Picard has never been demoted.

67. Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.

66. Picard's science officer is more logical than Kirk's. (Omni Prime)

65. Picard's science officer can also think almost infinitely faster than Kirk's. (Omni Prime)

64. While we're at it, Picard's science officer would of not died from radiation like Kirk's did in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. (Omni Prime)

63. Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.

William Shatner from the Family Guy Sitcom

Kirk as seen in the TV show, Family Guy

William Shatner from the Family Guy Sitcom

62. Picard was never involved in any hokey shootouts at the OK corral.

61. Stars can be seen looking outside from the of the Enterprise-D and E.

60. One word: Leadership.

59. Picard never let a bald midget in a dwarf ship with a scary dummy fake him out for an entire episode.

58. Picard can speak more languages than Kirk has ever heard.

57. Picard has never lost a first officer to a man who once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas.

56. Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket boots to save him.

55. Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat" around a campfire.

54. When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters one, they keep on drinking.

53. Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.

52. When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth watching and caring about.

51. Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.

50. When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging about with 17th century weaponry.

49. Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.

48. If poor judgment were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.

47. Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of putting on a face which only made things worse.

46. Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle intergalactic squabbles.

45. Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.

William Shatner in Splat Attack, a paintball video

44. Two Words: Better Voice.

43. One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)

42. All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show).

41. Picard is more highly recognized in battles, e.g.: The Picard Maneuver. (Omni Prime)

40. Picard can actually make being bald and middle-aged look sexy & macho.

39. Picard listens to suggestions from his crew when out of options like a real captain should. Kirk oddly has every idea on the top of his head. Sounds like someone needed better script writers. (Omni Prime)

38. Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him (Omni Prime)

37. When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets in a fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.

36. Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.

35. Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.

34. Picard's ex-wife kept his name even after the divorce; Kirk's ex-wife kept it a secret even from her son.

33. Picard likes solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he tried.

Picard carrying Angi in Star Trek: Insurrection

Picard carrying Angi in Star Trek: Insurrection.

32. Picard has never messed up with the transporter.

31. Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto, nor has he ever allowed shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship.

30. Picard has never aged prematurely.

29. Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.

28. Picard knows Gilgamesh and is able to recite it.

27. Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely screams in agony.

26. Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to have her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.

25. When Picard talks, people listen.

24. If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett. If Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.

23. No one laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc".

22. Picard has never kissed a Romulan.

21. Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated spacecraft.

20. Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.

19. If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the common sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been allowed to review.

18. If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer space only to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly puppet, he'd be pissed.

17. Picard is a more realistic captain. Do you think the United Federation of Planets would actually put a young captain like Kirk in charge of the Federation's flagship? This idea is supported by Gene Roddenberry Jr. (Omni Prime)

16. Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.

15. Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with the Klingons.

14. When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history to suit his own ends.

Picard meets McCoy at the making of the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in 1987.

13. Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than it took Kirk.

12. Three words: Better costume variety.

11. Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures. Picard tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to respect him.

10. Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.

9. When Picard lost the Stargazer it was in a furious battle with a hostile, unknown race. When Kirk lost the Enterprise it was a lowly self-destruct. (Omni Prime)

8. Can't forget those neat collar insignias.

7. Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures and has done so on a number of occasions.

6. Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy cruisers (and lived to tell about it).

5. When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.

4. Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he doesn't let it show.

3. Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's gotta be the shoes...

2. Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.

1. Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.

Kirk the Romulan

Kirk the Romulan

Ultimate Reason: Kirk Singing! Shatner's singing offers unquestionable prove that Picard is better than Kirk. These songs were from Kirk's only album, which may be the reason why he had only one album ;). (You can use the music box (at the top of the page) to resume the background music when you're done) To download a song or video, right click on the file name and select "Save Target As...." I have the files stored by Geocities, sometimes they fail to allow these files to be downloaded, check back in a few hours and they may be back up.

William Shatner - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (.mp3 2:59, 2807KB)

Leonard Nimoy - Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins (.mp3 2:21, 2213KB) Yeah, it's not Kirk singing, but it's still very funny. The song even has a music video! I will never think of Spock in the same way again! The girls in the music video are very disturbing. If you want to save this file to your hard drive, right click here and select "Save Target As..."

William Shatner - I Am Canadian (.mp3 1:45, 1232KB)
(the title alone is funny, sadness)

William Shatner - Mr. Tambourine Man (.mp3 3:24, 1399KB)

William Shatner - Rocket Man (.mp3 4:06, 1687KB)