Quotes
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man --
living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every
day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want
you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place,
full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will
send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever
and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you.
-- George Carlin
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there
was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
-- Douglas Adams
Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.
-- Isaac Asimov
Creationists make it sound as though a "theory" is something you dreamt
up after being drunk all night.
-- Isaac Asimov
When I die I won't go to heaven or hell, there will just be nothingness.
-- Isaac Asimov
I've steered clear of God. He was an incredible sadist.
-- John Collier
I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose.
-- Clarence Darrow
I do not believe that any type of religion should ever be introduced into
the public schools of the United States.
-- Thomas Edison
I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories
of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
-- Thomas Edison
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation,
whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a
reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives
the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through
fear or ridiculous egotisms.
-- Albert Einstein
Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are
different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts
are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret
facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain
them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century,
but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans
evolved from ape-like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism
or by some other yet to be discovered.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
Reason can never prove the existence of God.
-- Immanuel Kant
Christians call it faith ... I call it the herd.
-- Friedrieh Wilhelm Nietzsche
There never was more than one Christian, and he died on the Cross.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash
my hands.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
The Christian system of religion is an outrage on common sense.
-- Thomas Paine
The pioneers and missionaries of religion have been the real cause of more
trouble and war than all other classes of mankind.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
No man who ever lived knows any more about the hereafter ... than you and
I; and all religion ... is simply evolved out of chicanery, fear, greed, imagination
and poetry.
-- Edgar Allan Poe
Man is a marvelous curiosity … he thinks he is the Creator's pet … he even
believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire
him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him
and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
-- Mark Twain
One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed
in it. They have also believed the world was flat.
-- Mark Twain
There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him --
early.
-- Mark Twain
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass
damned.
-- Mark Twain
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
-- Voltaire
If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities.
-- Voltaire
Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion
that has ever infected the world.
-- Voltaire
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
-- Voltaire
Homer: God bless those pagans.
-- Simpsons Season 3
After Homer runs over a deer
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: A deer!
Lisa: A female deer!
-- Simpsons Season 3
Reverned Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack
of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now
let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection
plate!
--Simpsons Season 3
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court
or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
-- Simpsons Season 3
Bart: Oh my God! The dead have risen and are voting Republican!
-- Simpsons Season 3