Healthy Relationships

by Amy Wlodawski and Claudia Faccone

Session #1

Introduction to Healthy Relationships 

Purpose:  The purpose of this group is to educate 8th grade students on how toachieve emotionally healthy dating relationships by learning to recognize the signs of healthy and non-healthy relationships, how to successfully communicate sexual attitudes within their relationships and how to understand and prevent sexual harassment.

Time: 30 minutes

Materials: list of group guidelines, one hat, several small slips of paper

General Procedures:

  1. The group leader(s)first begins with an overview of the purpose of the group and explains the group guidelines.  After reviewing the list of guidelines, the leader then asks if any group members have any questions about the group’s purpose or guidelines.  The leader then answers the questions accordingly.
  2. The group icebreaker is an exercise where the group members write facts about themselves on slips of paper, and the group leader instructs them to write facts that other students may be surprised to know or that most people do not know about them. The slips of paper are folded and put into the hat, and then the group members pass the hat around the circle.  One slip of paper should be pulled out at a time, and the group members are encouraged to discuss who they think wrote the fact.  After the activity is completed, the group processes the information.  The leader may ask the following questions:

Processing Hints:

    What were you surprised to find out about your classmates?
    What do you have in common with anyone here?
    What is different about you from everyone else here?
    How did you feel learning about your classmates?

  1. In order to introduce discussion of the group’s topic of dating relationships, the leader asks the students to tell in 30 words or less, what the experience of dating in high school feels like.  After each group member has had a chance to participate, the leader paraphrases what the group members said, including reflecting the students’ feelings.  The leader then explains that this group’s meetings will be aimed at helping dating relationships in high school become positive experiences for them
Group Guidelines
  1. Respect – Give undivided attention to the person who is talking.
  2. Confidentiality – What we share in this group will remain in this group.
  3. Openness – We will be as open and honest as possible, but we will not discuss other people’s personal or private issues.  It is okay to use general examples, however.
  4. Nonjudgmental approach – We can disagree with another person’s point of view or behavior without judging or putting him or her down.
  5. Sensitivity to Diversity – We will remember that members in the group may differ in cultural background and/or sexual orientation.  We will be careful about making insensitive or careless remarks.
  6. Right to Pass – It is always okay to pass on any question or activity.
  7. Acceptance- It is okay to feel uncomfortable. Even adults may feel uncomfortable when discussing sensitive and personal topics such as dating and sexuality
Group Guidelines taken from the Advocates for Youth website, retrieved February 25, 2004.
    http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/lessonplans/groundrules.htm

Session #2

Introduction to Sexuality

Purpose: To introduce the concept of sexuality and provide and opportunity to identify messages and feelings about sexuality.

Time: 30-40 minutes

Materials: several pieces of newsprint, markers, Feeling Words handout

Procedures:

  1. Before the group activity, distribute the handout of feeling words. Tell the students the look over the words and try to refer to that sheet if they do not know how to express their feelings.
  2. Explain that the group will explore definitions of and messages about sexuality. Acknowledge that it is normal for some teens to feel a little embarrassed or uncomfortable. Point out that in our society, although we hear about sexuality all the time in music, television programs, and movies, people often do not have serious discussions about the subject.
  3. Write the word "Sexuality" on the board or newsprint. Ask for definitions and write the responses on the board or newsprint. Avoid clarifying what sexuality is or is not.
  4. Tell the students that they will think, as a group, what they have heard about sexuality. They will have to thing of what they have heard from their parents, their friends, or the media. Clarify that the media includes, movies, television, music, and magazines. Have them write them down on pieces of newsprint, with one sheet of newsprint for each category.
  5. Clarify that there are no right or wrong answers. They can write down whatever they have heard or any messages they have received.
  6. Give the students 10 minutes to brainstorm and write down answers. The counselor can walk around to the group, listen in and ask questions to induce more thought.
  7. After the time is up, have the students display their pieces of newsprint. Conclude the activity with the Discussion Questions below.
Discussion Questions:
  1. How are the messages from your parents, friends, and the media similar? How are they different? What are some possible reasons why this could be? How do you feel about these differences?
  2. Which messages do you agree with? Which ones do you disagree with?
  3. Can you think of any sexuality messages you have heard from other sources, such as religious teaching, romantic partners, or health teachers?
  4. If you were a parent, what is the most important sexuality message you would give your child? How would you feel talking to your children about sexuality?
  5. Which of these messages might make a person feel uncomfortable talking about sex, either to their friends or to their partner?
  6. Are there messages you think are incorrect and that you want more information about?

Sources for Feeling Words Handouts:
    http://eqi.org/fw.htm
    http://www.heart7.net/words2.html
    http://www.preciousheart.net/empathy/Feeling-Words-2.htm
    http://thelane.communityos.org/local/os009/clientkb/handouts/FeelingWords.pdf

Idea for activity taken from the Advocates of Youth website, retrieved February 24, 2004.
    http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/lessonplans/introsexuality.htm

Session #3

Healthy Relationships


Purpose: To teach adolescents how to recognize the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships, including jealousy, trust, communication, and verbal abuse.

Time: 40-45 minutes

Materials: Copies of article "6 Signs Your Relationship is Bad for You," signs that say "Healthy" and "Unhealthy," printouts of 6 scenarios, two chairs

Procedures:

  1. Distribute copies of the article "6 Signs Your Relationship is Bad for You." Ask the students to read the article aloud, taking turns.
  2. Set up two chairs, opposite each other in the room. Tape the "Healthy" sign to one chair and the "Unhealthy" sign on the other chair.
  3. Explain to the students that they will read six hypothetical scenarios about students and their relationships. Select one of the students to read the first scenario.
  4. After the student reads the quote, have the students stand somewhere between the two chairs, deciding if the relationship is healthy of unhealthy. Have them sit down where they are. Lead a discussion. Potential questions are included in the lesson plan.
  5. Repeat this for the remaining scenarios
Scenarios and Potential Questions:
  1. "My boyfriend always tells me that he wishes I were taller."
    1. What was the reason you sat in that spot? (Ask for each scenario)
    2. What types of comments and put-downs would you consider disrespectful?
    3. How do these types of comments affect someone’s self-esteem?
    4. How would you confront your partner if you were in the receiving end of disrespect?
  2. "Most of my buddies’ girlfriends don’t like them talking to other girls. But my girlfriend doesn't seem to mind when I do it."
    1. What does jealous show?
    2. When does jealously cross the line?
    3. What does jealousy say about trust in a relationship?
    4. How would you confront your partner if he or she crossed the line with jealousy?
  3. "Last night, I hooked up with this random guy at a party. It was really stupid and meant nothing. My friend says that what my boyfriend doesn't know won’t hurt him, but I feel dishonest, so I'm going to tell him."
    1. Is it ever okay to tell lies in a relationship?
    2. What is the difference between lying about something like this and keeping it a secret?
    3. What does lying or feeling as if you have to lie to your partner say about your relationship?
    4. How would you confront your partner if you found out she or he had lied about something?
  4. "Whenever my girlfriend and I get into a fight, I'm always the one who has to apologize first – even if I think she's the one who's wrong."
    1. How important is it to be able to admit when you're wrong?
    2. How much do apologies matter?
    3. Is it okay to hold a grudge?
    4. How should the person who said this quote confront her or his partner about this issue?
  5. "If I want to go out without my girlfriend, I have to call her first. It's like I need her permission."
    1. What are some signs that someone is too controlling in a relationship?
    2. What does it say about your relationship if you need your partner's permission to go certain places and do certain things?
    3. What does it say about your relationship if your partner decides everything you do together?
    4. How would you confront your partner if you thought she or he was too controlling?
  6. "I want to be more open with my boyfriend about sex so that it's more enjoyable for me. But I'm afraid he'll think I'm a perv."
    1. What does having good communication in a relationship mean?
    2. What is important about good communication in a relationship?
    3. What does it say about your relationship if you are worried about being judged or yelled at?
    4. How would you confront your partner if you lacked good communication?
Possible Pre-Test and Post-Test for activity:
    http://www.teenwire.com/sexeducation/activity_004_pre-posttest.pdf

Idea for activity came from the Planned Parenthood Website, retrieved February 23, 2004
    http://www.ppfa.org/education/040112_activity_if1.asp

Session #4

Communication of Sexual Attitudes and Values

Purpose: The purpose of this session is to educate the students on how to properly communicate their sexual attitudes and values to others, particularly within their dating relationships.  This includes being aware of different sexual sexual attitudes and values, and how to feel comfortable discussing these issues with a partner.

Time: 45 minutes

Materials: several index cards with dating scenarios written on them:
Example: Jose and Sarah have been dating each other for three months.  Jose tells Sarah he would like to have sex with her for the first time this weekend because his parents will be out of town. Sarah had always thought that she would wait to have sex until marriage, but she believes she is in love with Jose and wants to make him happy.  What should Sarah do?

General Procedure:

  1. The leader passes out 2-3 index cards with dating scenarios to each group member. The students read the scenarios aloud to the group.  The group first decides if each is an example of a healthy or unhealthy relationship and gives their reasons for labeling the scenario one way or the other.  Then, the leader asks the group to imagine how each person involved in the scenario might feel about the situation.  Next, the leader asks the group members for possible solutions to the problem.  The leader may suggest that the group members “put themselves in their shoes” and devise a solution based on what they would do.

Processing Hints:
How must this person feel?
What advice would you give to this person?
What would you do if you were in this situation?
What attitudes and values does this person seem to have about sex?
How can this relationship become “healthier?”

  1. After all of the index cards have been read and discussed, the leader invites the group to discuss why it is important to communicate personal values and attitudes about sex with their partner.  The leader may facilitate discussion of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), possibility of pregnancy and sexual coercion if the students do not mention these reasons on their own. 
  2. Then the leader asks the students to relate what they have discussed in the session so far (the scenarios and the importance of sexual attitudes and values communication) to their personal lives.  The leader may ask them how they plan to use what they have learned today in their own lives and discuss solutions for becoming more comfortable with talking about sex with their partners.
Processing Hints:
    How does sexual attitudes and values communication relate to your own life?
    How does what we have learned today have meaning in your current and future dating relationships?
    How can you learn to become comfortable discussing sex and sexual consequences with your partner?


Session Five

Sexual Harassment - Prevention Through Empowerment

Purpose: The purpose of this session is to educate the group members to recognize sexual harassment behaviors so that they may discontinue current behaviors or be aware of others’ sexually harassing behaviors.  They will also learn to prevent becoming victims of sexual harassment through learning about personal empowerment.

Time: 45 minutes

Materials:  paper and pencils, list of sexual harassment role plays

                   Example: Andrew is always telling sexual jokes around Elaine, even though she has repeatedly                                             asked him to stop. 

General Procedures:

  1. The leader asks the group members to write "sexual harassment" on their pieces of paper and then write down their ideas of what it means.  The group members then share what they wrote down with the group.  The leader then explains that sexual harassment is any unwanted physical or verbal advance with sexual overtones.  The leader also gives the following examples of sexual harassment they may experience: sexual jokes, touching in an inappropriate way, inappropriate gestures and spreading rumors about another person’s sexual behavior.
  2. The leader has the only copy of the list of sexual harassment role plays, and asks the group members to act out the role plays one at a time in front of the group.  After each role play the group discusses why or why not this is sexual harassment.

            Processing Hints:
    What is the sexually harassing behavior here?
    How should the harasser have handled this instead?
    What should the victim do?

3.  The leader then explains that students must be empowered in order to prevent sexual harassment from          happening. 

Discussion Points:     

Empowerment is defined as having skills necessary to defend yourself from intimidation and harassment.  This means that victims must learn assertiveness in communicating with the harasser, as well as reporting the incident to an adult in charge.  The victims must also develop an attitude of self-respect to either stop sexual harassment as it is happening or to realize that it is unacceptable.  Empowered males learn to treat others with respect and dignity, including finding positive and productive ways of interacting with females. 

  1. The group then processes the information.
                Processing Hints:
        How can each of you become empowered?
        How can you help to empower others?

Some information for activity taken from the Discovery Channel School website, retrieved Janaury 28, 2004.
    http://school.discovery.com/lessonplans/programs/sexualharassment
Shoop, R. J., & Edwards, D. L. (1994) How to stop sexual harassment in our schools: A handbook and
    curriculum guide for administrators and teachers. Allyn and Bacon. Needham Heights, MA. p. 151.

Session# 6

Closure


Purpose: To evaluate the effectiveness of the sessions, to give closure to the topics discussed, and to let students express any opinions or concerns about the sessions.

Time: 35-45 minutes

Materials: Accountability Measures for each members

Procedures:

  1.  Have all the students check-in on how they are feeling that day, including yourself in the check-in..

  2.  Go over the topics and feelings that were covered during these past 5 sessions.

  3. First, discuss the initial feelings the students had on the topics and the group.

  4. Then, talk about how these students came together in a group. Ask them to give examples of when they felt like a group and when they did not. Discuss what activities and rules led them to become a closer group. Have them talk about how important it was for everyone in the group to participate.

  5. Talk about the second session when they had to discuss messages they were receiving about sexuality from their parents, friends, and the media. Discuss what other messages they have heard since that session. Ask how their opinions about sexuality have changed since that session and throughout the other sessions.

  6. Discuss the third session, where they learned about healthy relationships. Ask them if they have had to apply what they have learned in real life situations and have them give examples. Have them come up with other signs of unhealthy relationships. Could some of the signs have been results from the media or peer messages?

  7. Discuss the relationship between healthy relationships and communicating about sex with your partner. How healthy is a relationship if you cannot talk openly about sex? Discuss how healthy relationships also include being safe about sex and being able to communicate about contraceptives.

  8. Discuss how sexual harassment can occur in relationships, giving the examples of significant others discussing partners' sexual inadequacies and exploits or date rape. Discuss how unhealthy relationships make people feel the same way as sexual harassment does. Have the students give examples of this.

  9. Ask the students if they had any further questions or comments on the topics or sessions.

  10. Have each student go around and say what the most important things they learned were, as well as what this experience has meant for them. Start the go-around to make the stduents feel more comfortable.

  11. Lastly, hand out the evaluation forms for the students to fill out. Tell them they do not need to put their names on the forms and that these forms will only be seen by you. Tell them how wonderful it was to join them in this experience. Emphasize that your door is always open if they ever need to talk. Tell them that you will check in with them in a few weeks just to see how they are doing.

What Did You Think?

 SA = Strongly Agree
A =  Agree
U = Unsure
D = Disagree
SD = Strongly Disagre
1.  I liked being a member of this group.

2. This group increased my understanding of myself.

3. This group increased my understanding of others.

4. This group increased my knowledge about sexuality.

5. This group has affected my current dating relationships in a positive way.

6. This group has affected my current dating relationships in a negative way.

7. I felt comfortable in this group.

8. I am able to recognize sexual harassment in schools and relationships.

9. I feel more empowered in dealing with sexual harassment.

10. This group taught me the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

11. I feel comfortable communicating my sexual attitudes/values.

12. This group changed my sexual attitudes/values.

13. I feel more competent in my dating relationships.

14. I would recommend this group to others.

15. This group had no effect on me 		1. SA     A     U     D     SD

2. SA     A     U     D     SD

3. SA     A     U     D     SD

4. SA     A     U     D     SD

5. SA     A     U     D    SD

6. SA     A     U     D    SD

7. SA     A     U     D    SD

8. SA     A     U     D     SD

9. SA     A     U     D    SD

10. SA    A    U     D     SD

11. SA    A     U    D     SD

12. SA    A     U    D     SD

13. SA    A     U    D     SD

14. SA     A     U   D     SD
 
15. SA    A     U    D     SD